Opposite Day
by LarkroseLukos
Summary: When an accident with a time machine transports Private to an alternate dimension where everyone is the opposite of themselves, can he free the machine from the evil lemurs and make it back home? R and R


Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

***

"Yes! Yes! I've finally done it!" Kowalski ran into the HQ, his beak in a wide grin.

"What?" asked Private.

"Finished the time machine!" Kowalski exclaimed as if it were the best thing that happened to him.

"And…?" asked Skipper.

"Who wants to take it for a test drive?" asked Kowalski, bouncing from foot to foot excitedly.

"Me!" Rico blathered.

Kowalski led them to the time machine. It was green with silver paint sprayed on one side. Kowalski went in first, then Private, Skipper and lastly Rico.

"All systems are go." Kowalski reported, fiddling with a wire. A spark went off and the lights went out in the machine.

"Oh, what now?" asked Skipper.

"It's not… not working right!" Kowalski said, not able to hide the panicky tone in his voice.

"If it's not working, why are we shaking?" asked Private. He was right. The time machine was moving violently, tossing the penguins from side to side.

"Where exactly are we going?" asked Skipper.

"I don't know!" Kowalski said. In the darkness the other penguins could hear his flippers frantically pushing buttons.

Then the penguins screamed as the time machine began rolling over. The lights came back on, but the door busted off and the penguins tumbled over and out onto a hard stone landscape. It looked very familiar too Private, but the world turned black and his head hit the ground.

***

"Are you sure he's okay, Etavirp?" asked a polite voice with a slight British accent.

"Of course, Ocir. Wake up, visitor."

Private opened his eyes. He found himself lying on a bunk in Penguin HQ. At least it looked like the penguin HQ. Something was odd.

He got out of his bed and rubbed his head. He turned around and jumped. He was facing- himself!

"I am Etavirp." The penguin introduced himself. He had no British accent or cute little smile, but he looked exactly like Private. "I am the leader of my team of soldiers. You are at Zoo Central Park."

Another penguin came up behind him, and Private recognized him in an instant. "Rico!"

he said.

The penguin stepped into the light. Now Private could see that his feather Mohawk was neatly combed down the middle, and he was wearing a tie.

"You have mistaken me for another. I am Ocir." he said, straitening his tie.

"My weapons professor."

"I thought for sure you were-" Private was interrupted when another penguin stepped into the light. It looked exactly like Kowalski. But it couldn't be Kowalski, for his tongue was hanging out like a certain weapons penguin, and his eyes were crossed and glazed over.

"Kowalski, what happened to the time-"

"Me not Kowalski." he said. "Me named Ikslawok."

"This is Ilslawok." said Etavirp. "Not the brightest candle, but he can read like a maniac."

"Huh?" Private said. "Where are my friends?"

"What friends?" asked Ocir. "When we discovered you, you were alone."

Then a shivering penguin crept out from behind Etavirp. His posture was bad and Private realized who he was quickly.

"Skipper!" he says.

"No…" the newcomer's voice is weak and timid. "I'm… why do you even care…"

"This is Reppiks." says Oric.

"Like skipper backwards?" asks Private.

Ilkslawok nods. "You come from metal..." Then his eyes became glazed again and his tongue dropped out of his mouth.

Etavirp clapped in front of the tall penguin's eyes.

"Machine," finished Ilsklawok. "Lemurs take."

"Lemurs?" Private says.

_These penguins are like the opposite of us. _Thought Private. _I must be in an alternate reality! These are just like those shows on the telly. _

"How do I get home?" Private asks while he looks at his surroundings.

"The lemurs have taken your machine. The evil King Trom and his minions Nailuj and Eciruam wish to journey into an alternate dimension so that they may conquer their alternate selves." Ocir says, doodling on a familiar notepad. "Of course, you'll need to get past Enelram, their otter security guard."

"Can't you just do that?" asked Private.

The four penguins looked at each other. Then they burst out laughing.

"That very idea is preposterous." said Ocir, still chuckling. "We are not an elite force. We are simply in training."

"Training!" Ilsklawok repeated.

Private walks over and starts going up the ladder.

"Wait!" exclaimed Ilsklawok. He vomited up a bomb and a liter. "Take!"

Ocir winces at the sight of the bomb.

Private takes the bomb and nods.

"Come back… not to see me, of course… soon." Reppiks said.

"Yeah… good luck to you too." Private leaps outside. He walks down the familiar stone path and spots the lemur habitat.

He approached the habitat and climbed up and over the fence. There was nothing there except for a large hole in the ground.

Private swallowed and slid down into the darkness.

A light flicked on. Private looked around. He was standing in a tunnel. There was a signpost reading in messy print "Lemur's Lair".

Then Private heard a growl. He turned around to find himself facing a snarling otter.

"Nice Mar-Enelram… Nice Enelram." Private stammered.

As the otter lunged, Private realized the bomb in his paw.

He lit it and threw it. As the blast started, Private ran and leaped, taking shelter behind a rock.

When the explosion was over, Private carried on through the tunnels, inching along the wall silently.

Private went father and farther till he entered a large chamber. Mort (no, Torm) was sitting on a throne, a bored expression on his face.

Julian (or was it Nialuj?) was covered in grease from working on something, while Maurice (wait, it was Eciruarm) was hyperactively running around, talking so fast Private couldn't understand.

Private then looked in the corner. There was the time machine! He bellyslid over to it.

"Stop!" said Torm. "No one steals my devices!"

Nialuji nodded. "All teleportation/vehicles/hands/time machines-"

Eciuarm bounced in front of Private. "DoyoulikedancingIlikedancingdancingfundancingdancingdancing!" he said, and jumped off.

Private climbed inside and pressed the buttons randomly. The three lemurs chased him and grabbed onto the machine, shaking it and holding on. In a flash of light they teleported to the penguin HQ.

***

"I must say, for a rookie, you have done very well." Etavirp said, tying up the lemurs.

Ocir climbed out of the time machine. "It should return you too your own time now."

Reppiks covered his eyes. "Why does… he have too-sniff-have to go now…"

Ikslawok nodded. "You leave. Go back to own… deh- dimension."

Private nodded. "Bye guys!" he waved. "Thanks for all your help!"

The four penguins waved back and in a flash of light Private and his time machine were gone.

That's when Private woke up to see Rico and Kowalski standing in front of his bunk.

"Oh, guys." he said. "I just had the strangest dream. I was in a time machine-"

Then he realized Rico's Mohawk was combed neatly down, and Kowalski's eyes were crossed.

"Ah…" Private fainted.

Kowalski took his crossed eye contacts off. "What's wrong with Private?" he asked. "If he doesn't get up soon, he'll miss opposite day."

***

Okay, it's done now. Hope you liked it.

~Lukos

P.S. Sorry if the names are a bit confusing. I also might have misspelled Ikslawok a couple of times.


End file.
